Of Kings and Shepherds And The Delight of a #1 Fan.
Sometimes there comes a moment where we need to talk about the harder…messier…part of being a parent. Of being a human really. This One Conversation would be one such time.
Parents, we need to level with one another. Can we do that? Can we be honest? Just between us?
There is probably a version of our child who has lived in our imagination for a long time.
That version loves the things we love. They play the sport we played. They appreciate the music we introduced them to. They definitely choose the friends we immediately like, and they discover gifts and talents that make perfect sense to us.
(I know, I know….YUCK. I get it. I’m right there with you, but we have to keep going—because, let’s be honest, our imagination certainly does.)
In this version, our kids follow a path that feels not only familiar—but incredibly exciting to us. They are organized, and driven. They take calculated risks, and steward their time, energy, talents, and treasure well. Don’t forget, they also grow into a deep and rich faith that is inspiriting and recognizable, they find a calling we can easily explain to our friends, and they become the kind of adult we always pictured raising.
And then there is the actual person sitting across from us at the dinner table.
They hate the sport we love. They are absolutely captivated by something we find painfully boring. They are quieter than we expected, louder than we expected, more artistic, less analytical, highly sensitive, extremely stubborn, too adventurous, too cautious, too unconventional, or honestly, just so much more complicated than the child we imagined.
One of the strange griefs of parenting is realizing that loving the child God gave us, sometimes requires letting go of the child we imagined.
BUT.
One of the great joys of parenting is discovering that this human God foreknew and created, is far more interesting than the child we imagined ever could be.
This is part of what it means to be your kid’s #1 Fan.
As parents, we must reckon with the possibility that our idealized versions of our children are quite possibly both an underestimation of them, and of God.
Consider what God taught us through the prophet Samuel when he said, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” —1 Samuel 16:7
Often when we read the account of David in 1 Samuel, we focus on the fact that, compared to his seven brothers, David did not measure up in appearance or stature.
As modern-day parents, when sensing a call on our child’s life, we would most likely—and surely from a place of love—step in and try to manufacture a version of a king we think is needed.
But instead, God takes David just as he is, right where he is, and moves through the hidden attributes of David that God alone sees—the ones David, himself, later speaks to in Psalm 139: 13-16.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
David was able to be a man after God’s own heart because David was intimately acquainted with God’s love and delight for him.
It was from this same knowledge that a pint-sized shepherd found the bravery to face down a lion, a bear, and a giant—and, later, the tenderness to soothe a jealous, tormented king.
Confidence and compassion, it turns out, come from the same source: knowing you are truly seen, fully loved, and entirely delighted in.
Which brings us back to our teens.
As much as we want them to know we love them, they also need the security of knowing we delight in them.
This September, in the spirit of being our teen's #1 fan, we took that idea to the field. Our most recent Axis Interviews conversation with Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski, authors of Away Game: A Christian Parent's Guide to Navigating Youth Sports, gets right into the tension of how the sidelines of our kid's sporting games have a funny way of revealing what we hope for them, what we expect from them, and how easily those two things get tangled up with our own stuff.
But this conversation is about more than sports. It's about ministry, discipleship, and learning to delight in our kids rather than constantly coaching them forward in every situation. You can listen, or watch, the full episode below.
So here's the invitation this week as we continue to unpack our role as a #1 Fan:
May we loosen our grip on the version we think our teens ought to be, so we can become better acquainted with the person God already knows them to be.
Maybe we ask better questions.
Maybe we listen longer.
Maybe we become less interested in manufacturing kings, and more interested in discovering what God has already tucked inside shepherds.
Cheering you on,
The Axis Team
CONVERSATION STARTERS
For you to ask yourself:
- When I picture my kid thriving as an adult, how much of that picture is about them—and how much of it is about me?
For you to ask your teen:
- What’s something you love that you wish I’d ask you about more often?
Parents, we need to level with one another. Can we do that? Can we be honest? Just between us?
There is probably a version of our child who has lived in our imagination for a long time.
That version loves the things we love. They play the sport we played. They appreciate the music we introduced them to. They definitely choose the friends we immediately like, and they discover gifts and talents that make perfect sense to us.
(I know, I know….YUCK. I get it. I’m right there with you, but we have to keep going—because, let’s be honest, our imagination certainly does.)
In this version, our kids follow a path that feels not only familiar—but incredibly exciting to us. They are organized, and driven. They take calculated risks, and steward their time, energy, talents, and treasure well. Don’t forget, they also grow into a deep and rich faith that is inspiriting and recognizable, they find a calling we can easily explain to our friends, and they become the kind of adult we always pictured raising.
And then there is the actual person sitting across from us at the dinner table.
They hate the sport we love. They are absolutely captivated by something we find painfully boring. They are quieter than we expected, louder than we expected, more artistic, less analytical, highly sensitive, extremely stubborn, too adventurous, too cautious, too unconventional, or honestly, just so much more complicated than the child we imagined.
One of the strange griefs of parenting is realizing that loving the child God gave us, sometimes requires letting go of the child we imagined.
BUT.
One of the great joys of parenting is discovering that this human God foreknew and created, is far more interesting than the child we imagined ever could be.
This is part of what it means to be your kid’s #1 Fan.
As parents, we must reckon with the possibility that our idealized versions of our children are quite possibly both an underestimation of them, and of God.
Consider what God taught us through the prophet Samuel when he said, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” —1 Samuel 16:7
Often when we read the account of David in 1 Samuel, we focus on the fact that, compared to his seven brothers, David did not measure up in appearance or stature.
As modern-day parents, when sensing a call on our child’s life, we would most likely—and surely from a place of love—step in and try to manufacture a version of a king we think is needed.
But instead, God takes David just as he is, right where he is, and moves through the hidden attributes of David that God alone sees—the ones David, himself, later speaks to in Psalm 139: 13-16.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
David was able to be a man after God’s own heart because David was intimately acquainted with God’s love and delight for him.
It was from this same knowledge that a pint-sized shepherd found the bravery to face down a lion, a bear, and a giant—and, later, the tenderness to soothe a jealous, tormented king.
Confidence and compassion, it turns out, come from the same source: knowing you are truly seen, fully loved, and entirely delighted in.
Which brings us back to our teens.
As much as we want them to know we love them, they also need the security of knowing we delight in them.
This September, in the spirit of being our teen's #1 fan, we took that idea to the field. Our most recent Axis Interviews conversation with Brian Smith and Ed Uszynski, authors of Away Game: A Christian Parent's Guide to Navigating Youth Sports, gets right into the tension of how the sidelines of our kid's sporting games have a funny way of revealing what we hope for them, what we expect from them, and how easily those two things get tangled up with our own stuff.
But this conversation is about more than sports. It's about ministry, discipleship, and learning to delight in our kids rather than constantly coaching them forward in every situation. You can listen, or watch, the full episode below.
So here's the invitation this week as we continue to unpack our role as a #1 Fan:
May we loosen our grip on the version we think our teens ought to be, so we can become better acquainted with the person God already knows them to be.
Maybe we ask better questions.
Maybe we listen longer.
Maybe we become less interested in manufacturing kings, and more interested in discovering what God has already tucked inside shepherds.
Cheering you on,
The Axis Team
CONVERSATION STARTERS
For you to ask yourself:
- When I picture my kid thriving as an adult, how much of that picture is about them—and how much of it is about me?
For you to ask your teen:
- What’s something you love that you wish I’d ask you about more often?
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